The Princess & the Penis by RJ Silver

Author:RJ Silver [RJ Silver]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Humorous, Romance, Short Stories, Contemporary Women
Publisher: Feedbooks
Published: 2010-06-07T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6

Solutions

Four hours later, King Norwood called the family to the Great Hall. “I’ve got it!” he said. “Enough of these hocus-pocus prayers and incantations. I’m going to deal with this villain the same way I would any other.” He pulled out a dagger. “I’m going to lop off its head!”

Complete silence followed. After a few moments, it was Amalia who spoke up. “No, Father. I won’t allow it.”

“What do you mean, you won’t allow it? Prince Rupert arrives in two days. Surely you now realize that if you don’t rid yourself of this monstrosity, it will undo your marriage, a marriage that’s perfect for you in every way.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I’m not going to harm something that doesn’t deserve it.”

“Doesn’t deserve it? It’s invaded your bed. That alone qualifies for the chopping block!”

“That’s because you keep seeing it as evil. You all do. But I still don’t agree. It’s done none of the nasty things that Aunt Ingrid or Aunt Leila described.”

The king shot his sisters a dirty look. “What nasty things?”

“Quite the opposite,” Amalia continued. “It’s been both polite and gentle. So I don’t think it’s a demon or anything villainous. It feels more like it’s lost and lonely – yes, almost like a lost puppy.”

“Ah, the lost puppy look,” Aunt Leila whispered to her sister. “That one used to get me every time.”

“Me, too,” said Aunt Ingrid.

“And is this lost puppy worth destroying your entire future, not to mention a crucial alliance for our kingdom?” the king asked.

“I didn’t say that, Father,” replied Amalia. “I know you’ve worked hard to arrange my marriage to Prince Rupert. But I’m not going to kill something for personal gain, especially when I feel it might actually be good inside. What I want to do is talk to it.”

“Talk to it?”

“Yes. I’m going to politely ask it to leave. If I’m right, I think it’ll agree.”

“Oh, child,” said the king. “I fear your innocence misleads you. As everyone in this room will attest, penises rarely listen to reason. Yet I can’t do this without you, so I’ll give you one last chance to rid yourself of this menace on your own. If it refuses, however, you must promise to help me cleave it in two.”

The princess cringed at this thought, but felt she had no choice other than to agree.

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